See what I did there?
IF you’ve been following along with my blog, you might remember my recent descent into utter confusion and chaos.
Being bounced around from one “professional” to another while resulting in nothing more than exponential unanswered questions, has been less than productive.
However despite my nagging feeling of being lost in the woods without a compass, I accepted the hurried 3 minutes that I was recently given.
According to the psychiatrist and her piece of paper, I’m not “ADHD enough” to rate medication. (We talked for less than 5 minutes, but who’s counting?)
According to the several thousands of dollars worth of neuropsychological tests, I’m normal.
But wait-there’s more…
I also have anxiety. *gasp* .
Oh…….and depression. This is the point where I stopped listening….. It’s the point where I shake my head, accept defeat and move on. It’s when I began to realize that doctors don’t know everything. A piece of paper suddenly falsely defined me. Just like that.
I am not depressed. Never for once in my life, has depression been an issue.
Basically from what I’ve gathered from all of this, is the result of being able to cope and adapt after being undiagnosed for sooooooo long, had actually screwed me over in the long run.
It’s kind of like winning a race you didn’t know you were in, but ultimately losing because of a technicality.
It’s literally a catch-22.
I’ve done TOO well at adapting so I’m forced to take a seat at another table in which I don’t belong.
Anyway, for several weeks I tried to change my mind set. I let myself (partially) believe in the results of these tests. Against my better judgement, I even changed anxiety medication. According to my test results, my brain would be more focused if I were on a different med……
A couple of weeks after switching anxiety medication, I received a phone call from my therapist. (He’s sort of the the unsung hero in all of this mess). Anyway, he informed me that he read my test results and totally disagreed with the findings.
Ok let me elaborate here….
The test results speak for themselves (obviously). It is what it is. However, I am finding that there is more to the puzzle….
Before my therapist called me, when I received my test results myself, I did a lot of research. What I found was very interesting and frustrating at the same time.
Neuropsychological testing is often done to rule out learning disorders and to determine the severity of brain injuries. As far as ADHD…..the jury’s still out on that one. I learned that these tests can pick up certain characteristics of ADHD, but it is merely a flimsy diagnostic tool in a very limited tool box. It doesn’t hold a lot of weight. But, due to the fact that many people abuse ADHD medication, many doctors have been forced to rely on this type of testing in order to (for lack of a better term), “save their asses” in case someone decides to fake the disorder and distribute medication for profit.
Now, this is through my OWN research. I’m not by any means saying you shouldn’t get neuro testing done. All I’m stating is, for me, it missed the mark. Fell through the cracks etc…
The point of this post is to not give up. I’m not even talking specifically about ADHD. Any mental disorder is an uphill battle.
It’s hard because many times, you’re trying to hide it. You don’t want anyone to know you’re struggling, because you’re embarrassed to ask for help.
Try to keep this in mind…..
We ALL have those same fears. Think about it. If one of your friends came up to you and asked you to watch their kids for an hour so they could go to therapy, would you laugh? Would you make fun of them? Would you judge them?? I doubt it. If anything it might make you feel more connected with that person because you understand. There are soooooo many of us out there suffering.
Don’t be afraid to reach out. Don’t be afraid to shop around for doctors. Don’t be afraid for a second, third, or even fourth opinion. It’s your life! Fight for it!