Confused? You and me both.
If you’ve been following my blog, you may have noticed a dramatic shift.
I’ve gone from comical day to day stories, sharply shifting into more serious realities- involving my own mental health…
It wasn’t a conscious choice. I enjoyed sharing my epic tales of mothering (and fitness) awkwardness.
As time went on, my struggle grew stronger, and I felt compelled to share my story. Maybe someone else might be able to benefit from what I had to say (or at least realize they aren’t alone).
Here I am once again.
Notice the title?? This post is about confusion, frustration, and wanting answers.
It’s been several months now since I was told I have ADHD. Many years prior (well into my early teens), I knew I had an anxiety/panic disorder. Nothing new to me. It’s always been a constant (unfortunately) that I’ve never once questioned. Never. No doubt there.
So, as you can imagine, a new diagnosis to add to the bunch, was a bit surprising. However, after months of researching and talking to others with the same condition, I came to accept and acknoweledge it. Everything began to make sense. It was liberating to know why I was disorganized, unmotivated, a procrastinator, indecisive, easily bored, careless (hate that term), etc. There was a reason!
I began talking to others like myself (with ADHD), and I felt like I wasn’t alone. I related to them so very much. I felt a lot better just knowing the WHY. Knowing that ADHD was the cause of my anxiety, and panic disorder. It made so much sense….
What I thought I knew came crashing down.
In hopes of giving ADHD medication a try, I was referred to a psychiatrist. She asked a few questions and immediately stated that in order for me to seek ADHD medication, I would need to get a neuropsychological evaluation, and an EKG, before we could even talk about it.
Apparently the college students in the area were faking symptoms in order to get adderrall (thanks a lot ass holes).
So, I did what I was told. Got the EKG first-which was easy. Next, I set up testing with the neuro. It took over a month to get an appointment.
After the testing, I went back for my results.
“I think you’ll find most of you results are in the normal range,” the doctor said.
My stomach kind of sank. I knew what this meant.
On one hand it meant I was normal.
On the other hand it meant “back to the drawing board.”
On the third hand (yup the third), it meant, “wait a freaking minute!”
According to those tests, the cause of my procrastination, messiness, unfocused mess that I am, was NOT because of ADHD.
Do you want to know the cause??
Anxiety (duh), depression (no), and social anxiety.
Anxiety is a given. Even social anxiety. Ok. Makes sense. But….depression??! No. Nope.
I am far from a depressed person. Not even close. In fact, I’m kind of annoyingly positive.
I guess I’m at the point of having to stick up for myself.
When you live with something (a sickness or disorder), for soooo long with it being undiagnosed, you learn how to cope and manage yourself. Unfortunately, because you’ve gotten so good at managing and hiding it, it continues to under the radar.
In the mean time, while I’m waiting to discuss this with my doctor, I’m trying to make peacewithout a label for it.
ADHD, OCD. GAD, PTSD etc.
When the time is right, It might come into play.