Bare with me.
You’re probably reading this title thinking, “what the hell is she talking about? My anxiety disorder has brought me nothing but misery, crippling fear (that no one seems to understand), and disappointment in my life. An AWARD??! NO.”
You are right…kind of. Speaking as someone who knows all too well the insecurity, fear of failure, and fear of…fear; I feel as though I am more than qualified to point out the things that anxiety has done for my life in a GOOD way. (I know, it’s a stretch, but I’m feeling optimistic. Keep reading.)
1) Let’s see….I had a point to this. Now I’m kind of nervous that this makes no sense.
2) Ok. Now I remember. When I was young, I never got into to trouble. Why???? Anxiety. The thought of being put in the spotlight for doing something BAD was more than I could handle.
3) I became very sensitive to people’s feelings. I feel like I have the ability to sense the feelings of everyone around me. Since I know how bad being scared, anxious, nervous, defeated feels-I desperately want to comfort those that are hurting.
4) I get important things done. I may not do it perfectly, or in the correct order (thanks ADHD), but it WILL get done (because of the 35 reminders I have set on my phone).
5) No one will break into my house easily. Why? Because I check all of the locks 3 times before I go to bed. (Plus the burners on the stove, the windows, make sure the dryers off etc)
6) I arrive everywhere 20 minutes early, just in case I get stuck in traffic, a cow wanders onto the highway, or it starts snowing in the middle of July.
7) I will answer your texts! I will answer them as soon as I see them- against what cool people say I should do. My fear of you being upset out weighs my fear of being labeled a loser with no life.
8) I’m a shitty liar. I can’t lie. It’s…it just doesn’t happen. It’s written alll over my face. I won’t even try.
9) Whenever you have medical questions and can’t get to the doc right away- I’m you gal! I’ve spent hours and hours scouring webmd over every little bump bruise or freckle I’ve ever had. I got this. I’m pretty much an expert.
10) I’m nice. Super nice. Annoyingly nice. I will apologize, even when I don’t know what the hell I’m apologizing for! Confrontation and I don’t mix. I will forfeit every time.
So you see?? There are a few good things. Having anxiety really sucks. However, in all of that struggle, it shapes you. Sometimes, in little ways, it isn’t so bad.
Maybe…your story, might just help someone else one day.